No More Sorry

Valentine’s Day: A Realist’s Viewpoint

Let us begin with the origin of Valentine’s Day. It is all theoretical since there is no hard evidence of some shithead named Valentine martyred for a romantic act. This is the basis of Valentine’s Day in the plainest of terms, folks: a fucking fairytale.

Every year people pine and yearn for some Prince(ss) Charming to whisk them away from their lonely, miserable existence and what can our capitalist society do but be opportunistic? Greeting card publishers, confectioners, jewelers, florists all love to fill their coffers with your brainwashed beliefs. That’s right. It’s the belief that romance is twice as better on February 14th than it is on any other given day.

Let’s list some scenarios…

Scenario #1: You go to mixers to scan the crowd and you narrow down the field. As the hour sags so do your standards. Suddenly the girl/guy with the lazy eye doesn’t seem so bad. Just as long as you’re not alone on this joyous day of days!

Scenario#2: You sit at home feeling absolutely miserable. BOOHOO. I HAVE NO SWEETIE ON FEBRUARY 14th. Then you realize you were alone yesterday and that you’re probably going to be alone tomorrow as well. And then you go into this inevitable downward spiral of feeling like you’re never going to meet anyone and become some crazy cat-lady/hoarder.

Scenario #3: You go out with your friends and get shitfaced, have a good time and commiserate on the lack of good men/women to date.

Choose your own adventure, people.