March 2011
2 posts
i am losing my mind
i just want to drive over there and get on my knees and beg
beg
beg
beg
because this pain endures and it cripples me. and i want it to stop. make it stop.
not gonna lie
it hurts like hell.
January 2011
3 posts
for now
i curl into a fetal position to keep the emptiness from spreading to keep myself from emptying the contents of my stomach to hold myself in an empty bed
...
i like writing letters i never intend on sending for they are selfish and rife with my oppressive emotions
i never want to feel this way again.
November 2010
1 post
I'm Acutely Aware
I haven’t been making any tumblr posts recently. I’m trying to save you all from reading mushy crap about being in love because I am acutely aware that no one wants to read platitudes about how happy some simpering, priggish schmuck is.
So let’s just talk about Red Pandas!
It was International Red Panda Day five days ago and I was a little sad to learn that the San Francisco...
September 2010
4 posts
No Bemoan
I do not shed a tear while making my own breakfast But I cannot help the small sigh that escapes my lips. Sleep well, exhausted prince.
August 2010
2 posts
the worst feeling
Laying in darkness I wish for my brain to die but it rebels And I shift around in my own little madness which feeds itself on frustration so the glow of the monitor again fills the room, to quiet the frantic voices, and it casts weird shadows against my lamp and luggage (the only objects in my possession) and after a futile while my eyes water from strain unable to droop, drop or dim and I type...
July 2010
4 posts
My little sister is precious
Me: Dude, the sun is up. How are you still awake? Chelsea: INSOMNIA! [she climbs into bed] Me: You realize that as you’re going to bed I am waking up for the day, you maniac. Chelsea: [yawns] Good night! I walk into the kitchen to fix myself a bowl of cereal. I notice in the sink there are some watercolor brushes and a plate caked with paint. I scramble around the apartment looking for her...
A futile attempt at being academically responsible
I’m sitting in this cafeteria staring blankly at the things I must read But I keep thinking about when you will return from class And about how you’ll walk toward me The gait of a stalking warrior The uniform of a 70-year old man Thank you for wearing suspenders today.
June 2010
3 posts
Afraid but curious to see...
I once had a landlord who took me in as his own daughter. He would take me camping and told me to “warsh” the plates. He would tell me how he liked Asians because we were hard-working And rather prosperous His family was ideal with a lovely wife and daughter. They also let me into their lives and I latched on To a functioning family.
One day, the lovely wife, beautiful and years...
May 2010
9 posts
I want to write
just cuz so… here it is… a blast of absolutely nothing
Enjoy.
April 2010
2 posts
February 2010
2 posts
Choose Your Own Adventure
Valentine’s Day: A Realist’s Viewpoint
Let us begin with the origin of Valentine’s Day. It is all theoretical since there is no hard evidence of some shithead named Valentine martyred for a romantic act. This is the basis of Valentine’s Day in the plainest of terms, folks: a fucking fairytale.
Every year people pine and yearn for some Prince(ss) Charming to whisk them...
1 tag
formspring.me
Ask me anything http://formspring.me/natsavage
December 2009
1 post
I failed at being a Grinch.
I keep forgetting kindness that was bestowed upon me graciously by my family over the years but the holidays were meant to remind me.
As my sisters and I stroll through the open-air mall we pass a modest-sized skating rink. We then all recounted the time when their mother (my stepmother) would take us to the local ice skating rink in Hawaii. This conjured up memories, happy ones, when she had...
November 2009
4 posts
Slightly Less Misanthropic Today
On my bus ride home from work last night, I witnessed an event that may seem ordinary but effected my outlook on mankind greatly.
The bus was making its way through the night and all was usual; the work-weary, the transients. At one stop a man boards with giant bags from Ross and turns around and notices his significant other was struggling at the door. She was encumbered by something that I...
October 2009
4 posts
goodbyes are like assholes
they stink.
FUCK YOU, DA MAN!
I keep racking up parking tickets because there are no clear signs posted about the time meters are in effect.
This is obviously a ploy by the city of Long Beach (and the rest of the metered parking world) to keep me a miserable pauper shopping at Goodwill.
Not that it is bad to shop at Goodwill. I did find a Barneys co-op dress there for 5 dollars today. At least I’ll be a stylish...
September 2009
7 posts
Natalie on the Subject of Love
Journal Entry #36
I think some things have changed. I no longer take pleasure in pleasure Especially if it is with someone Who is not as horrible as you.
I’ve been trounced upon, My heart a pitiful smashed thing At the bottom of my stomach. There it is waiting to be digested And to finally exit out of my colon.
And then my pitiful, wasted heart Will swirl pathetically in the toilet bowl....
Taco City Dialogue
Customer enters gabbing on cellular phone Me: Hi! Did you want to order? Customer does not remove cellular phone away from ear Customer: Yeah, I’ll have 2 beef tacos... (speaking into phone) OH NO GIRL! HAHA!! WHAT DID HE SAY?! Me: Taking this with you or dining in with us? Customer: I’ll take it to go… (back into phone) UH UNH, I’LL FUCK HIM UP!!! Me: Can I have your name...
bad poetry, you've made me write it
when one door shuts another one opens but i’m still standing in front of you
Bullet Dodger
Yup. That’s me.
Unyielding, Relentless
Last year I had mentioned to my best friend that I wanted someone to come along and ruin me. In America, dreams come true.
Perhaps it isn’t really love that I’m experiencing but the pain is unbearable. There is a great rift in my chest that is held together by a paper-thin strip of pride and logic, but for moments at a time, the shit breaks and I’m a complete wreck. I go through...
It's My Party and I Can Destroy Myself if I Want...
Labor Day weekend is the real closing of summer, right? Perhaps I don’t really want it to ever end. I want to live in a world where all I have to do is log in a few hours at work and spend my hard-earned money on booze, going to the beach and falling in love.
August 2009
8 posts
I Do Not Have Extra Time
The advent of the Fall Semester will mean endless hours in a cramped studio pounding out notes out on the piano and clumsily fingering scales. Those fucking minor scales.
To top it off, I actually have to add more classes than what I have now. Gone are the days I binge drink and loaf around with my pals till 0600 hours.